My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a search helicopter?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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