I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
