Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
