You really coming over, don't trick.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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