I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
