u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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