Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
