some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
