Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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