I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
