put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
