summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
