Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
