Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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