apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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