You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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