i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
