Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
