I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
