While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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