Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
