I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
