At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
