I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
