Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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