I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have tasted many bathrooms
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
