I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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