pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
