Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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