no, he came in my armpit
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
whose ass print is on the piano?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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