Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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