Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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