Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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