i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
