Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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