I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
