Got a toothbrush?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
