the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
