the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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