I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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