I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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