There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
