So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize