Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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