Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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