she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
