Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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