hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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