dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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