DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
