you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
