The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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