my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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