i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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