fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize