So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
