SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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