I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
