I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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