I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
