he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
