When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he was CRYING into my vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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