So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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