I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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