you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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