Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize