so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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