hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
