Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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