so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
